Health Benefits of Drinking Green Tea

Don’t Say Yes When You Really Mean No!

One common thing that happens to many of us is getting caught in the “yes” trap.

We are asked to do something that we really don’t want to do.

But instead of saying no, we feel we should do it and so we say yes.

Reasons to say when you really mean no:

There are many reasons why we say yes when we really mean no.

• One reason is we are afraid to say no.
• We may fear being rejected by the person asking us.
• Instead of standing up for what we really believe or want, we cower and say yes. Or we fear having a confrontation with the person.
• Instead of saying no, you say yes to avoid getting into a conflict.
• People who have low self-confidence can sense that other people are more powerful than them. They often don’t want to get into situations that could turn into disagreements.

Circumstances in your life for which you say yes but mean no:

• You’re shopping for clothes and the salesperson makes some suggestions. Do you ever buy something you don’t really like that well just because you don’t want to say no to the salesperson?
• You’re at the beauty salon or barbershop getting your hair cut. The stylist makes some suggestions about how to cut your hair. You don’t really want it that way but you let her cut it anyway because you don’t want to say no.
• You’re at a restaurant and the waiter recommends a particular dish. Even though you don’t usually like this particular food, you order it and eat it anyway.
• You get a phone call from someone selling something. You want to say no but instead you end up buying the item.
• Someone comes to the door selling magazine subscriptions. Even though you don’t need any magazines you agree to purchase a subscription.
• Your sister calls to see if you can baby sit her kids on Saturday night. There is no special occasion; they just want some time without the kids. You say yes even though you and your husband had planned to go to the movies on Saturday night. (She relies on you all the time even though she does have a baby-sitter that she could call)
• At work, a co-worker asks you to complete a report for them. You agree, even though it means you will need to work late to finish it.
• Sometimes people say yes even when it is inconvenient or costly to do so.

Sometimes you may find that you are doing more than the person you are helping out. It’s pretty easy for someone to take advantage of you once they find out that you are an easy target.

Some people will use you once they know that you usually say yes. They also may not even realize that you are being inconvenienced or that you really didn’t want to say yes.

What happens in these situations is that you start to have resentments towards the people that continually ask you or expect you to do things. They, on the other hand, may just think that you are happy to do these things.

What makes someone say yes when they don’t want to? Many feelings are hiding under the surface.

How to stop saying yes?

• In order for you not to confront the person you learn to avoid the situation by immediately giving in to what the other person wants.
• In order to make it stop you need to first recognize what situations you say yes in when you mean no.
• Then, the only way to stop is to stop saying yes. Learn to say no.
• You need to be strong but you don’t need to be mean or angry. A simple no is enough.
• If the person asks you for a reason why you can’t do something you can tell them truthfully why not or you can let them know that you just don’t have the time to allow it anymore.

Learning to Say No:

For one week, keep a notebook handy. For the first few days, write down anytime someone asks for something that you want to say “no” to.

Write down who asked you, what they asked for and your actual response to the person and the rest of the conversation. Look at the things in the list and see which ones really should have been “no”.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Is the request a reasonable one?
• Is this a high priority for me?
• Why do I want to do this?
• Why don’t I want to do this?

Rewrite the dialogue as if you were talking to the person but instead of yes, tell them no.

For the rest of the week continue to write down these incidents, however, this time, actually tell the person “no” when you mean no. It will be hard at first, but will get easier the more you do it. You’ll feel so empowered the first time you stand up for yourself!

Stress Can Result In Confusion

When a person is besieged, with stress, it frequently causes confusion and it becomes more difficult to make good decisions.

Stress triggers a series of emotions, including worry, anxiety, confusion, feeling a lack of protection and support, and stress proves negative thinking.

When a person feels a lack of protection and support the person will frequently feel defeated and believes that they do not have the aptitude to act or react to a problem.

When a person is anxious, they will feel a sense of uneasiness because the mind is fretting over a fear that aggravated the stress.

Confusion brings forth its own problems, since a person confused often has difficulty sorting through their thoughts, emotions and the have difficulty understanding others when they are speaking.

When a person thinks negative, it often brings forth additional problems, since decisions are often initiated by negative emotions. This is a marking of denial and a refusal to look at all angles of a problem.

When a person is negative it often leads to added stress, since negative brings forth withdrawal, procrastination, hostility, inability to agree, and represses a persons ability to use their creative side.

If a person does not use the creative side of the brain then he or she will have difficulty solving problems. As we can see, stress has many fundamentals that surround its function; therefore, understanding the entirety of stress can eliminate confusion.

Negative can be analyzed carefully, since it can benefit us in many areas of life. For example, scientist are negative-positive in that they hinder the process of learning or performing linking it to a situation in question by postponing the information in response to other evidence.

In other words, a scientist will argue points until a fact is proven. This is positive negative thinking also known as negative transfer. When a person is thinking negative thoughts in a series of patterns, a harmful act leads to stress.

Stress then is a constraining act that causes a tug-a-war in the mind. One thought pushes against the other thought, pulling the thoughts in a separate direction. When the mind is boggled down with push-pull thinking, it often causes a person to feel confused.

What it takes to unboggle the mind is to sit down, take a few deep breaths and collect your thoughts. Understand that your emotions are part of your thinking process and the emotions control anger, sadness, joy, happy and so forth.

If you are stressed then your emotions is taking the lead and controlling your life. Therefore, you must collect your thoughts to find the answer to your problems. Problems come in all sizes. Some of us have more problems than others do.

Reviews: how you handled the problems in your past

When you think life is getting you down, then look back over the years and review how you handled all the problems in your past. You will see that you overcome many obstacles and made decisions through the procedure.

If you see that, you made a bad decision in your past then use it to your advantage instead of using it against your self. Thinking positive brings forth rewards.

I always tell myself everyday that something good will come my way because I put forth the efforts to make it happen. Instead of allowing stress to interrupt, my life when good fails, instead I move forward and patiently wait for the good to come my way the next day.

This may continue, but I promise you with this in mind good will knock on your door as long as you put forth the effort. If you are sitting around waiting for things to happen you are wasting your life and inviting stress to take control. If you have, problems do something about it.

For example, you can review the options in your mind to see what could benefit you. If you are besieged with work then take some time off for your self to get it together and think about what you can do to abolish overloads.

Life is too stitch complicated as it is to sit around allowing stress to rule your mind and body. Remember stress causes confusion and confusion leads to disorder.

Learn How To Work As A Team From The Lessons Taught By Sports

You can improve your personal growth with sports because you learn so many lessons on the field or court.

You need to learn how to work as a team, how to feel supported by others, how to support others, and how to accept winning/losing in a graceful way.

It helps kids became more social and it also helps them build lasting relationships.

As you grow, you take those lessons and you learn from it. It also teaches you the difference between listening and hearing.

Significance of Listening in Sports

For those who are not aware of the fact that hearing is the act of picking up vibrations and turning them into sound bits. Listening happens to be where you can understand those messages into phrases and sentences. You get the message, sort of speak.

With listening you will not only hear someone talking, but you are listening to them and following directions. When it comes to sports, you have to know when to listen to someone and when you should listen to yourself.

You need to learn when to follow instructions and when to give instructions. The key to sports is that it makes you a good leader. A good leader knows when to speak and when to listen.

They know when to get ideas from teammates and when they need to give their team direction. You can improve your personal growth because it teaches you how to be a good leader.

You will lose if are not a good leader. After a couple loses, you see what it takes to bring the team to victory. Also, when you are part of a team you get to know different people. It also teaches you how to deal with certain people.

Basic Needs

If you look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs you have basic needs, safety, social, self esteem, and self actualization. When it comes to sports, you satisfy your basic needs by having a team.

You get the attention and time required to become a good athlete. You also get guidance needed to play the sport.

Safety

Then for safety, you are taught how to play the game safely. You may also feel safe in a group to tell others how you feel and come up with your own ideas. There are so many people in a board room who do not speak because they are afraid to be judged.

They don’t recommend good ideas because they are afraid. Sports teach you how to let people know your ideas irrespective of being judged.

Social Needs

It helps you feel comfortable speaking up. Then for social needs, sports let you to feel like you are apart of something. It makes you feel important because you have a role and you need many other people to help you and there are many other people who are depending on you.

Sport teams are a support system. If you get use to being part of a support system you won’t feel so awkward in new situations and you will also understand you role in the group easier.

Self Esteem

Teams also help with self esteem. Self esteem is the most important part of the hierarchy. If you don’t have self esteem then you can never make it in the world and have fulfillment.

Sports give you self esteem so that you can be secured with who you are. You need to find a way that will make you feel good about yourself and sports is the ticket.

When you win in sports you feel so good about yourself, but if you lose, it can be a little hard to accept. It’s the same way when it comes to goal setting.

You will be able to set your goals and then if you fail, from being in sports, you will know how to pick up and accept your defeat, but still reach for better things.

Internal And External Motivators For Addiction Recovery

The following are some of the internal motivators and external motivators to aid with healing from addictions, listed in no particular order.

Internal Motivators

Many decide to kick their addictions based upon interior motives like love, a sense of achievement, competition, responsibility and a number of other reasons.

A love for a child can make some stop the denial process dead in its tracks, allowing recovery to step in.

Watching a close friend or relative who is farther along the addictive path of destruction can also be an eye-opener, resulting in some addicts adopting the “I can do it” attitude to kick the habit.

Some simply want their own self-respect back and respect from others. While other addicts prefer better health and a sharper mental state, and decide to overcome their addictions and recover.

Regardless of the reasons, internal motivators can be welcome stepping-stones in the path of recovery.

External Motivators

Other motivators along the way are external, like money, work, housing, etc. For example, an addict is generally well aware of the money needed for the continued purchasing of the addictive substances.

Someone not used to living in less desirable conditions because income is lacking, may not need much of a jolt of reality other than the first eviction notice, to spur him or her to quit spending hard-earned money on drugs, gambling, porn or cigarettes, etc.

And some who may really value their jobs and are striving to maintain good work standards and ethics, may see reality when they are passed over for a promotion or annual raise because of tardiness, sloppiness, mishandling of money, etc., and may seek help to get their work act together promptly.

To help with internal and motivators, addicts and their support people can turn to recovery tools like books, videos, movies, healing music, speakers and events focused on addiction and recovery.

A good place to begin is at your own local library or favorite bookstore. Online you can search Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble (BN.com) or even your favorite search engine.

Type in terms like “addiction recovery” and / or add the addictive substance or behavior (“gambling recovery” “overcoming cigarette addiction”).

Recovery Books

Some popular recovery books are:

• Addiction & Recovery for Dummies, by Brian F. Shaw, Paul Ritvo, Jane Irvine, M. David Lewis; For Dummies; (December 13, 2004).
• 7 Tools to Beat Addiction, by Stanton PHD Peele; Three Rivers Press; (July 27, 2004).
• The Addictive Personality: Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behavior, by Craig Nakken; Hazelden Publishing & Educational Services; 2nd edition (September 1, 1996).
• The Addiction Workbook: A Step-By-Step Guide to Quitting Alcohol and Drugs (New Harbinger Workbooks), by Patrick Fanning, John T. O’Neill, John O’Neill; New Harbinger Publications; (June 1, 1996).
• Bridges to Recovery : Addiction, Family Therapy, and Multicultural Treatment, by Jo-ann Krestan; Free Press; (March 15, 2000).

For online chat rooms and message boards where recovering addicts seek fellowship, simply type “recovery message board” or “recovery chat room” in your favorite search engine. Include specific addictions like gambling and cocaine for more focused groups.

Areas Where You Do Have Control In Your Life

Conscious, deliberate, purposeful control works well in the external world outside your skin wherever the following rule applies: “If you don’t like what you are doing, figure out a way to change it or get rid of it using your hands and feet. Then go ahead and do it.”

Unfortunately, this rule does not apply to internal events that occur inside your skin, such as angry feelings, painful thoughts, and other emotions.

Rather than trying to change these, you are far better off refocusing your attention and expending your energy on the three areas where you do have control: your choices, your actions, and your destiny.

You are the Only One Who Has Control Over the Choices You Make

You alone have full responsibility for the choices you make. Understanding this can feel both sobering and liberating. For example, you cannot choose whether you feel hurt or angry. However, you can decide what you do with that hurt and anger.

You can choose to dwell on your hurt and anger, run from it, or bury and hide it. You also have the option of doing noting about the feelings and thoughts. You can decide to let them be or actively meet them with compassion and patience.

As you learn to recognize that every moment of your life is about choices, you free yourself from being a slave to your impulses, your resentments, and your anger. In essence, you’re free to choose how you respond to triggers for anger and what you do with your emotional pain and anger when you feel it.

It’s your choice whether you behave in a kind, forgiving, or accepting manner while recognizing your painful feelings; or whether you give in to your impulse to either deny your anger or act on it.

Where You Have Response Choices

Take a look at some specific areas where you have the power to choose your response choices:

• Meeting your hurt and anger with compassion and forgiveness versus struggling with it to deny it.
• Hearing what others have to say (even if you disagree with them) versus refusing to listen and giving them advice they don’t want.
• Speaking words of acceptance and understanding versus words of judgment and blame.
• Letting go of old hurts, resentments, and painful memories versus holding on to them.
• Practicing patience with others and yourself versus blowing up in anger and frustration.
• Acting in ways that uphold your humanity and dignity as well as that of others or acting in ways that shame and degrade.
• Moving forward in your life with anger or struggling with it and remaining stuck.

Exercise: Brainstorming Alternatives To Anger Behavior

For this exercise, recall an upsetting situation that brought on feelings of anger, blame, rage, and other unpleasant thoughts and feelings. Once you have the scene clearly in your mind, go ahead and list the main triggers (whether people, thoughts, or feelings), bodily sensations and emotions that you felt, and, finally, how you coped or behaved in this situation. Be as specific as you can.

Take a look at how Melinda, a nineteen-year-old retail sales clerk, completed the first part:

People Trigger: My mother criticized me.

Feeling Trigger: Feeling frustrated and hurt.

Emotions and bodily sensations: Irritable, Anxious, Heart is racing and pounding in my chest, Surge of adrenaline, Tense in neck and shoulders, Feeling sad and humiliated

My anger behavior (how I coped): Acted cold. Told her to “shut the hell up.” Called her “a miserable old hag and a lazy, good-for-nothing bitch.” I left and drove to my friend’s house and vowed to keep away from my mother.

Spent time venting with friends about how much of a witch she is. Spent a lot of time trying to think about reasons why my mom has to be so mean.

Brainstorming alternative choices to anger behavior:

• Start with the triggers and see how they ultimately led to self-destructive anger behavior.
• Rewind the tape, and for each trigger, see if you can brainstorm other choices, apart from anger behavior, you had available to you in that moment.
• For a hint, take a look at your coping strategy. You’ll want to come up with fundamentally different choices than the ones you listed under coping strategies and anger behavior.
• As you do, be aware that there is no right or wrong answers here. These are your choices—what you do and can do for yourself.
• Later on, you’ll be guided through this process more deeply. With practice, you’ll find that you do have a broad range of choices when anger and hurt show up. Acting on anger is one choice among many other choices.

After Melinda analyzed this scene, she then went back and brainstormed other choices she had available to her.

The complete brainstorming part of this exercise is:

People triggers:

I had absolutely no control over what my mom decided to say. My mother’s choice of words and her actions are not my responsibility. She can say or do as she wishes.

I can choose to simply listen. I’ve heard this stuff before. I don’t have to let my triggers by engaged. I can just let the words be words without reacting to them.

Feeling triggers:

The frustration and hurt I feel are my own. I can simply notice what my body is doing here. I can decide not to push the feeling away, but not to use it as fuel for anger. I can just let it be, and experience it for what it is.

Emotions and bodily sensations:

There is really nothing I can do about what my body is doing right now. What I’m feeling is unpleasant, but I don’t need to run from it. I can choose to sit still with the energy and do nothing to make it go away. I can allow the energy to go away on its own.

My anger behavior (how I respond):

• I can see that I have lots of choices here.
• I can choose to listen to my mother or leave.
• I can choose to respond to her in a calm voice by letting her know that I feel hurt and sad when she says those things to me, even though I’m enraged inside;
• Or I can confront her with a loud voice, name-calling, screaming, and leaving.
• I can extend compassion to my mother and let her know that I do love her, even though her words drive me crazy. Or, I can act in ways that do not reflect my love for her as another human being.
• I can decide not to run from my mother, because this relationship is important to me.
• I can choose to carry the hurt and pain with me to my friend’s house, or let it go.
• I can choose to gossip and vent with my friends about my mom, or I can choose not to do that.
• Venting really did nothing to resolve the situation with my mom.

Above all, Melinda began to appreciate that how she responded to this situation was her own responsibility. Only she could do things to meet her needs and uphold her values. The same is true for you. The choices you make can lead you to anger and misery or the life you want to create and nurture.